Today is my birthday. I don’t say that to receive praise or adoration. I say it as a milestone, because I got to love another year. I’m thankful yet bitter about it as my age gets higher in number.

Last year, on this very blog site I posted resolutions for my birthday. A year of goals to aim for. I wrote things like drinking more water, taking more walks. I didn’t do a lot of those things consistently, or at all. But there was one resolution that pierced my very heart. Marianna in 2024 could not have predicted or imagined what that year had in store for her. Resolution number 4 states this:

 “Embrace the chisel. That could either be grief or patience. The Lord will show you according to His will. Maybe you will have more peace about what your wrestling God with right now. You are still lamenting. Crying and asking a lot of questions. You may not the answers, but God has heard you.”

Ironically, that is all I have been doing. Lamenting, crying, asking questions. Wrestling, accepting, resting and trusting. Some call it grief. Lately for me it is life. This is the first birthday of my life I do not have my mom. The very person that birthed me- is not here, she is one reason I even have this day. I don’t think it will become any easier as time goes on, I will just carry it better.

However, I would be negligent if I forgot to mention the last five words of my own resolution. “But God has heard you.” This I know is true even when I don’t believe it. Why? How can I be so sure? God has proven it true in my life, but also in so many that have gone before me. For this I look to David. Just one of many who have gone before me.

Psalm 34 verse 4 says- “I sought the Lord, and he answered me.” Then in verse 17-“When the righteous cry for help the Lord hears.” Then in verse 18 “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted.” Then ends with “The Lord redeems the life of his servants none of those who take refuge in him will be condemned.”  That is just one small chapter, from what I know.

For my birthday this year I will just be clinging to those words. This year Psalm 34 will be my prayer. In faith and knowing that God hears me. This year will be different for me, maybe for you too. That’s ok. This year no resolutions. I need to let myself grieve and learn to live this new way of life.