Dear Birthday girl,

I want to wish you the happiest birthdays. Filled with joy, love, and peace. May your heart be overjoyed with those you love around you. Some you haven’t seen in years even decades. I know I won’t be able to celebrate with you again. I won’t be able to see you blow out your candles. But I can still see your smile and hear your laugh. Deep in my heart I cherish them.

This birthday will be different than last year. Last year we were at an all-you-can-eat buffet. Now you are at the best buffet ever. I think they call it the wedding feast. Lauren, Dad, and I are going to the ocean to celebrate with you. It does not compare to your views. This year you don’t have any more pain. No more cancer, perfect blood sugar, and no headaches. You are made whole. This year your body can process sugar correctly, so they better serve you your favorite cake- red velvet.

This year there are no flowers or cards. I didn’t buy you anything, but I cry and journal to you often. I don’t know what else to do. These past few months I have learned one thing- life is a dichotomy. We can have joy and sadness, pain and peace. That’s what your birthday means to me now. I will celebrate you and honor you but know my heart is broken.

This year’s birthday girl is different. I know it’s new for you and me. Let’s embrace it. Celebrate you and your legacy. Celebrate with friends and family that are with you now. May you feel our love. Most of all- may this birthday be happy.

Happy Birthday Mom!

Love your daughter.