To anyone who reads and follows us, it is time for a long-distance relationship tip! We are not professionals but through are experiences we can offer a little bit of advice. It can be advice for any relationship. So, enjoy and take notes.

I’m going to say the “C” word. Communication. I know it’s a vague term used by couple therapists, or everyone as a band aid to fix things. Communication is vital. I will try to break it down and make it more tangible. If you are in a long-distance relationship communication is all you have. So, let’s get started!

Everyone has their own way of telling a story. Some are very vague and tell you story in less than one minute. Others take five minutes to get half through a story because its full of details and other stuff. I personally, lean towards the more direct route. However, I am an introverted over thinker who already thought of everything I needed to say 90% of the time. To all my extroverts out there who love talking and become energized through talking. They process things from talking. You might take longer to tell a story. Figure out which one you are. Figure out who your partner is. It will set clear expectations on how to listen to the person.

Culturally, there some aspects too. My husbands’ culture is big on greetings, so I always greet him. Keeping time is not a huge priority like it is in America, so we had created windows of time to talk. Especially with time difference. He can say he will call at 10, so he calls at 11:30 because to someone from his culture that is 10. That used to bother me because I keep time. It’s the American in me. I had to realize that his whole country and culture doesn’t keep time, even if he did. I had to remember all the cultural factors.  If you are doing the cross-cultural thing figure out what works for you from their perspective first. When you talk to them put yourself in their shoes and in their world if you can. They should also be doing that for you.  It will make things easier.

After you figure out how your person tells the story, you need to learn how to listen. We all process things differently, this may require patience. There have been plenty of times when I was so tired, and Moses would not stop talking. He is a quiet guy so when he is excited about something its important. So, I would wait, listen, and respond. Then tell him I need sleep. Often when it when comes to communication people want to talk about how we talk. Which is good, but who is listening? Learn how listen. Ask questions. Communication is half talking and half listening.

When you love someone, you listen. Listening brings understanding. At times this may require a lot of time and patience, but is the other person worth it? Long distance relationships either strong or weak and don’t last. One factor is trust and honesty, but the other is putting in the work of listening. Even if you don’t say anything your body language says it all. You will soon discover if the other person is worth the time and energy, you want and need to communicate with. If you love them, it can be easier, and worth it.

Put all distractions aside and focus on your person. Phone and video calls are precious moments. Make them the best. Your body language will speak for you (if it’s a video call). Be all there for them. When they hang up you can go back to your normal life, but at that moment they are there. Enjoy them. I know life gets crazy and busy. Sometimes those call are only five minutes. There were times Moses and I would just sleep on the video call together. We love those calls. We both knew what we needed. Nothing distracted us. We spent time together. It fostered intimacy, sometimes you just need to be there for your person 100%.

Overall, figure out how you communicate, then figure out how you listen. Learning this about yourself and your significant other will make the distance seem smaller. It does take time, but intimacy takes time. The distance and communication will reveal more about you than you think. Communicate, listen, and love.

Until next time,

-Mo and Mar